


The "Real" Mafia

by Kateli



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Gen, Mafia AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 16:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10812954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kateli/pseuds/Kateli
Summary: After working in cyber security and hacking for several months, it's time for Yuri to prove his loyalty in Viktor's crime organization.A silly crack!mafia au





	The "Real" Mafia

**Author's Note:**

> This work was brainstormed with the YOI 25+ Discord group. Thanks to [puppybek](http://puppybek.tumblr.com) and [girlwithribbon](http://girlwithribbon.tumblr.com)!!
> 
> We'll probably continue working on this and maybe make it more of a formal collaboration? We have many of plans... We'll see what happens.

“How long have you been with us, Yurotchka?”

“My eighteenth birthday…” Yuri paused to think, fidgeting with the zipper on his hoodie. “Nine months.”

“Hm.”

They crossed the deserted lot in silence. At the building’s entrance, Viktor turned and blocked the door, placing a hand on Yuri’s shoulder.

“About time for you to prove your loyalty, don’t you think?”

Before Yuri could respond, Viktor unlocked the door and stepped inside. Yuri followed him into the warehouse, lit by the industrial bay lights hanging above. Viktor began weaving his way through the maze of boxes. He was wearing his usual gray suit. Yuri had never seen him wear anything else. He wondered if his closet was full of identical suits.

Yuri followed, working up the courage to speak.

“Have I—“ his voice echoed up to the high, vaulted ceiling. He picked up his pace to walk beside Viktor, and spoke more quietly. “Have I not shown my loyalty already? I’ve completed all the assignments that—“

 

“You’ve done a great job, but I need to know that you’re willing to… do what’s necessary,” Viktor said. His shoes, glinting as the dim light struck from between stacks of boxes, clicked loudly against the floor. 

At the end of the aisle of boxes, they turned left, coming upon an open space where Georgi, his hair impeccably quaffed, was standing beside a table wearing a trench coat over a black v-neck. Yuri heard muffled scuffling.

Georgi lifted his chin in greeting as they approached. Yuri saw past the table to where a young man was bound to the base of a pole, gagged, eyes darting wildly.

“Who’s this?” Viktor asked. He was looking at Yuri.

“It’s, uh…” Despite the draft in the warehouse, Yuri could feel himself starting to sweat. “Chulanont. The spy.”

“That’s right! It’s our spy, Phichit!” Viktor’s lips quirked to the left. “Georgi, remove his gag.”

He did. Chulanont coughed, his head falling to his chest as he took several deep breaths. When he raised his eyes, he trained them on Viktor, who just stared back in patient silence.

“There must be a mistake!” Chulanont eventually sputtered. “A mis– misunderstanding!”

Viktor placed his index finger against his lips in contemplation, his eyes drifting shut. They all watched him with bated breath. He liked to draw out the suspense. Yuri hated it. But he knew better than to speak up.

“Yura, what do you think?” He sounded amused. “Did you make a mistake?”

“What?!” Amused or not, Viktor didn’t tolerate mistakes. “No way! Chulanont is a traitor. I have the emails to prove it.”

“Emails?! How did you get my emails?” Chulanont’s voice was angry, but his eyes were filling with tears.

“I’m a hacker, moron! Did you think you were exempt? I check up on everyone,” Yuri said. He could feel himself sweating through the pits of his t-shirt now.

“You’re our cute little hacker! Such a good hacker!” Viktor patted Yuri’s head, ruffling his hair, with that ridiculous heart-shaped smile on his face. Yuri grimaced. Viktor spent too much time with his dog.

Chulanont was openly crying now. He knew he was fucked and— _what is smudged at the corner of his eyes? … is he wearing makeup?_

Georgi made to move toward Chulanont, but Viktor waved him down. “Yura, what did you find in Phichit’s inbox?” he asked.

Yuri had already delivered a full report. Viktor was putting on a show. “He RSVP’d to Katsuki’s birthday party.”

Georgi grunted in surprise, raising an eyebrow. Apparently, he hadn’t been privy to the circumstances when he was sent to do the pick-up.

“So he’s going to spy for us, then? What’s the problem?” Viktor asked coyly. Yuri fought to keep a straight face. He really wanted to roll his eyes. “Are you jealous of the other Yuri?”

He just barely managed to keep from shouting NO, but instead managed to take a breath and answer quietly, “No, of course not. The problem is Katsuki’s response, which reads, ‘Yay! I’m so glad you can—‘“

“Yura, don’t leave out the best parts!” Viktor admonished.

Yuri sighed in frustration and started again. “Yay!” he bit out, adding, “Heart-eyes emoji.”

Viktor nodded happily, with a little giggle.

“I’m so glad you can make it,” Yuri continued, and then the damning blow: “You’re the best spy!”

Chulanont began to shift against the pole again. What he thought that would accomplish, Yuri had no idea.

“Such a shame,” Viktor sighed, all friendly pretense dropped, “You really were the best spy! Too bad. What’d you do to piss off the Japanese, Phichit? Katsuki Yuuri isn’t stupid—he knew we’d find that email.”

“Maybe– maybe…” Chulanont grasped for an explanation, “maybe they found out that I– I work for you, that I’m loyal to you! They want you to get rid of me! That must be it.” Chulanont’s voice cracked. “Please. Mr. Nikiforov. I swear, I’m yours. I’d never betray you.”

“It does seem like they want us to do their dirty work,” Viktor said, beginning to pace. _Click click click,_ the sound of his heels filling the space between the boxes. “And we don’t want to do them any favors.”

“Thank you,” Chulanont gasped out.

“Not so fast,” he stopped pacing and raised a hand. Their captor’s eyes went wide. Viktor motioned to Georgi, who placed a large suitcase on the table and opened the zipper. He began to unload a variety of tools, devices, restraints, and things that Yuri couldn’t even identify. And a pineapple.

“What’s… what’s that for?” Yuri questioned hesitantly.

“My snack,” Georgi shrugged.

“What should we do to ensure your loyalty moving forward, Phichit?” Viktor continued, ignoring Georgi’s strange assortment of items. “I want to believe you, but I really can’t be sure.”

“Anything,” Chulanont said, voice shaking. “I’ll do anything.”

“I’m sorry, but I think it’s _us_ who have to do something about this,” Viktor’s face was impassive. “In fact, I think Yuri here will do the honors. We can take care of two questions of loyalty at once.”

Yuri felt himself go simultaneously pale and hot. Fuck, what was he about to do? He’d do it, no question. But… fuck.

“Let’s see,” Viktor hummed to himself for a moment, and then snapped his fingers as if just struck by an idea (Yuri had no doubt that Viktor had known what he’d tell Yuri to do all along). “Remove… two of his fingernails. You can choose which ones. Using these tools!”

Chulanont screamed, and Yuri’s stomach flipped. Would he still pass the test if he vomited? Maybe if he aimed for Chulanont’s face, that would probably be okay.

Yuri glanced at Viktor as he stepped toward the table. The man looked positively giddy. Sick fuck.

He took his time examining the tools, delaying the inevitable. Chulanont continued to sob loudly a few feet away. 

“Are none of these to your liking?” Georgi asked, opening his trench coat. He had _more_ items hidden in there?

“No!” Yuri’s voice cracked, and he repeated more calmly, “No, these are… fine. They’re fine.”

The tools were rusty. Yuri was overcome by a wave of dizziness—he needed to get this over with, fast. He grabbed a pair of reddening pliers. Turning them over in his hands, he noticed they had been labeled with a label maker: “GP’s rusty pliers.”

“Good choice, Yura,” Georgi praised him, nodding as Yuri stepped around the table.

Chulanont squirmed against the pole, shaking his head, eyes squeezed shut as he continued to cry. Yuri knelt before him, and up close, he could see the faint lines of black trailing from the corners of his eyes down his cheeks. He moved around the pole to where the man’s hands were bound. At least he wouldn’t have to look him in the eyes.

The sound of heels clicking alerted Yuri to Viktor’s approach. He wanted to make sure he went through with it.

“Let’s go, Yuri,” Viktor said, dropping the diminutives. “It’s your time.”

Yuri took one hand. Chulanont squeezed his hand. It was almost a gesture of desperately seeking comfort. Yuri gulped down the bile rising in his throat, ignoring the pulse he could feel pounding through Chulanont’s palm, and in his own head, rushing with anxious adrenaline.

With a deep breath, he reached forward, it felt like slow motion, toward the smallest fingernail, there, just squeezing the pliers together—

Before he could clamp down, he was roughly lifted by the back of his hoodie. He screamed, and Chulanont screamed, and Yuri struggled, kicking out, flailing, anything. Who was it? Who found them? Someone for Chulanont? Katsuki—

Viktor was clapping, that heart-shaped smile back on his face, and Yuri was unceremoniously dropped onto the floor. He looked up; it was only Georgi, smirking down at him. Yuri’s flailing had unsettled Georgi’s hair; it felt like a small accomplishment.

“Good, Yurotchka!” Viktor offered his hand, pulling Yuri from the floor. Yuri felt dazed. Looking down at Chulanont, he imagined the expression he saw on his face was similar to his own.

“What’s– what’s going on?” Yuri found the strength to ask after a moment.

“You passed the test! I need to know that you’re willing to do anything for the organization, Yura. But we don’t like to make a mess around here,” Viktor explained. “When we need to punish someone, we just shoot them in the head!” He laughed. “Everyone’s replaceable!”

Chulanont’s eyes went wide and the tears began to flow again.

“Oh, Phichit,” Viktor mewed, crouching down and placing his hand on his wet cheek, wiping the tears with his thumb, “You have one more chance. You’ll go to Yuuri’s birthday party. I have a special assignment for you! But I need to know that you’re not really spying for him. Only me, Phichit!”

“Only you! Only you! I swear! Of course!”

“Good!” Viktor seemed satisfied.

“What? That’s it?!” Yuri exclaimed. After all that? What the hell?

“But if the Japanese were setting us up with that email, won’t they be suspicious if Chulanont shows up?” Georgi pointed out, then added, “Unmaimed?”

“Great point, Georgi! Such attention to detail!” Viktor praised enthusiastically.

Chulanont began to shift uncomfortably as Georgi pulled open his trench coat and fished around for something. Then he approached the pole, squatted down, and affixed something to Chulanont’s face. When he stood again, Yuri saw that it was an eyepatch.

“Excellent! You look rugged! Handsome!” Viktor clapped his hands together.

This time, Yuri did roll his eyes.

“Don’t let anyone see your eye, Chulanont,” Georgi said, patting the gun at his hip in warning.

“I’ll be very careful,” Chulanont said. “I’ll do whatever assignment you need me to complete, Mr. Nikiforov. You can count on me.”

“Good! You’re dismissed!” Viktor turned away from him and toward Yuri, drawing him into a tight hug. Yuri saw Georgi untie Chulanont from the pole over Viktor’s shoulder.

Phichit stood, wobbling for a moment, and then began to speed walk in the direction of the exit.

“Bye, Phichit!” Viktor cheerfully waved, as if they hadn’t just threatened the man with death and torture.

“Bye! Th–thank you!”

The sound of his shoes pounding the pavement faded. Viktor released Yuri from the hug and patted Yuri on the head again.

“I don’t understand,” Yuri began.

“He’s not a threat to us or anyone,” Georgi supplied.

“Phichit is _the worst_ spy,” Viktor said, shaking his head in mild disappointment.

“What?!” Yuri was at a loss for words for the umpteenth time. “Then why– how– why do you keep him around? And let him go places to spy for you? If he’s a terrible spy?”

“Because we like him!” Viktor chirped. “Right Georgi?”

Georgi nodded congenially as he packed away the rusty tools.

Yuri just stared.

“And he does my makeup,” Viktor said with a wink. “Well, I’m off! I must decide what ridiculous task I’ll set for Phichit.” He chuckled. “It’s such a stress reliever to send him off on these silly missions!” He started toward the gap between the boxes. “Don’t worry, Yura,” Viktor turned back to them. “Georgi usually takes care of this sort of business. You can stick to cyber security,” he paused, “… probably.”

With that, Viktor walked off, heels clicking, humming a tune.

“Well, welcome to the club, kid,” Georgi said. At the table, he began to cut the pineapple. "Want some?"

Yuri collapsed to the floor. He was going to need a minute to recover.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :) <3 <3
> 
> Come say hi on [tumblr!](http://ice-tiger-kitten.tumblr.com/)


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